Does Name Matter?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

I’ve always wondered what the big deal about this quote was. Sure, considering the tragedy that befell Romeo because of his name Montague was central to Shakespeare’s drama but in today’s world, does one’s name really matter?

As a matter of fact, yes.

I didn’t care about people’s unpronounceable surnames or funny middle names when I was in school but in college, someone’s ‘caste’ is suddenly a very big thing. It’s the first thing one asks while befriending a person. If you’re a Punjabi, you’re supposed to be this alcohol drinking, dancing person. If you’re a Baniya, you hate spending money. If you’re a Jaat, you’re rowdy and somewhat indecent.

Why do we classify people on the basis of their surnames?

I have all kinds of friends in college. Yes, they include Baniya and Jaat and Punjabi and South Indian and some more I hadn’t heard of before. But they are not always what their surnames suggest they should be like.

We study in a national university; we are from educated respected backgrounds, so how does it matter what a person writes after their first name?

It’s not like we even get to decide our first name, let alone our last name. We are what we become, not where we’re born right? In a utopian society, yes. In the practical world, not so much. We need to grow up and move beyond the boundaries of names and castes and focus on abilities.

That said, I totally second Kareena Kapoor’s character in 3 Idiots when she says “I won’t change my name after marriage to Chhanchhar”, because really, who wants to be called Mrs. Chhanchhar?

Pitchfork

A star in the sky,
A drop in the ocean, 
A shell on the beach,
Useful to anyone?
Lost in the crowd,
Searching for passion.


North Star to the traveller
Paradise to the scorched
Home to a pearl
The real purpose forged?

Letting the storm pass,
Holding the roots tight
Afraid to be blown
Or enjoying the sight?


Ended already
Or yet to start;
Closer still
Or time to part;
Illusion of insecurity
Or belief of the heart?

Love is not Abuse

Every other person out there has or is in search of a boyfriend or girlfriend.  I won’t get into the reasons for that need or want but something that happens after one gets such a desired person is very intriguing.

Some people find eternal bliss (I don’t get this part, how can one’s happiness depend on another one? But this is still not the issue I want to talk about.) But there are some who change in a relationship, which is also perfectly natural. What I really want to focus on is the abuse one experiences in a not-so-happy relationship.

A girl whose boyfriend borrows money from her and never returns it and beats her up if she ever asks for it back is an obvious example. She is tortured both physically and mentally in her relationship.  There are people who KNOW that they’re not really happy in the relationship but they still won’t end it because they fear being alone. Some don’t even realise that physically hurting someone isn’t the only abuse that exists; mental torture is more common and better hidden, yet more harmful.

‘Emotional blackmail’- just two simple words. But do we really go to the depths of it? ‘If you love me, you would have blah blah blah”, “if you thought of me as someone special, you would have been there for me, fuck your priorities”. I thought people we consider special encourage us, not bring us down.  Why would such a person force you to do something or maybe not do something you consider important? Just to satisfy his ego, that he makes the decisions for you, that he is most important?

People in these relationships sometimes mistake the abuse for intense feelings of caring or concern. It can even seem flattering. Invading one’s privacy, like checking the phone frequently or getting angry or jealous often, count as abuses. Relationship abuse, just like any other abuse, can leave a person feeling isolated and lonely. Seen that movie Pyaar Ka Panchnama? Don’t the three girls abuse their respective boyfriends in that movie? Admit it or not, that is way more common than one would accept.

Love is not abuse, and we should never mistake it for the latter. We choose to be in a relationship in hope that it will make us better persons. If it does not, we have every right to end it and get out of it.

 

Philosophy-ing much?

School was so safe. I had a known group of friends, the same ones over the years. Everyone knew everyone. But that same group of friends seems strange now. I wonder why. Was it me who changed? Or was it them? It’s just time. Their surroundings changed, the people around them changed. But I wish they hadn't changed. But change is inevitable. Too much change? :P

Everyone thinks they know best and that a little success on the plate gives them the right to become teachers of life. If things go well with anyone, they assume whatever they did was right. Whatever decisions they made, whatever choices they made, were right. It may be true, but I still feel time matters. Life is a circle of ups and downs. Everyone goes through good and bad times. But the thing is, people change with the times. Well, that’s a good thing, isn’t it? I’m not so sure.

I feel whatever good a person has, that is tested only in his bad times. If one retains that goodness in the worst of times, he comes out as a winner.

Ya, so, back to my point. When  all is well, people feel whatever they’re doing is right and thus they assume that their way of life is the best and must be followed and so they start preaching about life to life. But in truth, it’s time which makes a person intelligent or dumb. Sometimes, a person may work hard, try to make life his way, but it still doesn’t seem to work out. That’s life. But that doesn’t mean that the person is useless or is a loser, does it?

I would always want to remain a student of life. I would always want life to teach me, and not the other way round.

I say this right now. But when I too see my goals being pursued, I would also treat myself as God, won’t I? Very probable.

Because it's very easy to sit outside and judge people the whole time. It's when one gets pushed into the arena that his real test of character is taken. I'm somehow glad then that I didn't get 'success' so easily. Time will make me mature. Hopefully I will not repeat what I'm seeing right now, and not liking. 

zippyness

I'm lying on my bed
Staring up at the fan
Wondering outrageous things
Like why wasn't I born a man?

I feel like laughing aloud
Just like hyenas do
It might even be interesting
To round up my mouth and just go "moooooo"

I want to snort like a pig
(Though definitely not look like one)
I wonder if jumping like a kangaroo
Would be just as much fun.

I hear my stomach go "grrr"
I hope rats aren't running around
I wonder if I bark like my dog,
How similar we would sound.

It is extremely wondrous to wonder
About all things big and small;
To laugh at stupid random thoughts
And things that just don't make sense at all :P

Pep-Talk

Stop.
Breathe.
Smile.
Have a good look at the people around you
Everyone has a story to tell
Just like you, they’re going through
Every kind of heaven and hell.
You gotta stop trying
To fit in or be liked and accepted
Time will show who is worth keeping
And who will walk with you ahead.
You gotta keep your head high
Open and welcoming
‘Cause the world has too much to share
Its really not fair
For you to always compare
You may like to keep some moments with you
And sometimes, you have to just not care.
You gotta be open and not so choosy
‘Cause you may not always get what you expect
You gotta fake it till you make it
‘Cause no, life isn’t perfect.
You gotta stop regretting
The choices you already made
You can’t keep living this way,
Feeling all betrayed and afraid.
Tomorrow is a brand new day
So leave the prejudices of today behind
You gotta live your life in play mode
You don’t have an option of forward and rewind.
Yes you can get back up
Go out there to find your spot
You gotta try to be happy
With whatever you got.
Don’t run away, it won’t solve a thing
You can definitely stay strong
It may seem like forever,
But actually it’s not been so long.
So hold on tight
Put your seatbelts on
Enjoy the show
‘Cause before you know,
It will already be over and gone.
Stop.
Breathe.
Smile.

Lost?

It’s one of those days when you look around you and see your friends busy in something or the other and you look at yourself and think, “What exactly am I doing with my life?”

I went out for lunch with some of my close college friends today and after roaming around the same area for an hour looking for a “new” place to hang out, we ended up eating at a Subway joint (at least we didn’t end up at McDonald’s like always). We were discussing how our lives have changed so much since college started. In school, talking to a cute guy or successfully answering the teacher’s question brought immense satisfaction to our minds. Here, now, out in the world, we feel useless. Everyone seems to be pursuing a worthwhile goal and we have no clue as to what we’re doing.

Do we want to accomplish something to prove to others that we’re not far behind? Look busy just for the sake of it? No, not really. It’s actually our own mental ego that we want to satisfy. We want to go home and sleep with a smug smile on our lips which says “I learnt a new thing today”.

We realised it’s a huge world. HUGE. There’s SO much to do! But here we sit, in front of the TV, cribbing about how life is so boring and unimaginative. We decided we were the only ones who could put an end to this. Get off our butts and actually DO something. Open our minds, explore ourselves, find out what we like and what we don’t, develop our thinking before we take up the challenges offered by the world.

We ended up borrowing books and DVDs of varied genres from the library, to “broaden our horizons”. Because, right now, we’re not really sure what our place in the world is. And we don’t need to. That will take the fun out of FINDING it. We motivated each other to not be a frog of the well, content with the small world we build around us. There’s a lot to do actually that 24 hours a day is so little time. We just need to keep our curiosity alive. Sure, presently, we might not be where we belong, because truthfully, we’re not sure of where we belong. But that’s ok. We can search. Sure, sitting at Subway talking about all the things we COULD do isn’t such a big deal. But the spark ignited. It’s a start.