Home is the Base

I have a very open relationship with my father. We talk about anything and everything. Sometimes we talk about his school life, my school life, career, food, movies, just about anything. We also talk about God and how His blessings make life a better place. In the last one year, I’ve grown a lot closer to my father and our talks have become a lot more mature. Such conversations make me think and help me become a happier and more responsible human being. One such conversation was about love. Love and God are synonymous. To discuss one is to discuss the other.

For quite sometime, I had been feeling alone. Not talking to anyone, shutting myself up in a room all day, that kind of thing. I wasn’t ashamed to admit it, but I needed love. So I started to seek love from my friends. One day, it was one of my friend’s birthday and all of us had given her a surprise party. When I came back home, I cried. No, it wasn’t because of the party; the party was amazing but there was something nagging me from inside. I realized that none of my friends had ever done anything like that for ME.

My father saw me crying and he hugged me and told me he loves me. Then he went on to say that what I’m feeling is completely natural but it doesn’t have to be like that. He told me not to ever do anything for a friend if it makes me sad, because that will defeat the main purpose. “Don’t have expectations, expectations from people are the cause of frustration in life”, sounded like very clichéd words to me. Of course, everyone knows expectations aren’t good but isn’t it basic human nature to expect? If I love someone, I do something special for them; I would definitely expect something in return. To say I won’t, would be a lie. My father said that to live in this world, I need to be strong from within. Attaching myself so strongly to a person I barely knew for a year was not healthy on my part. It may be, when I’m older and more mature, but not now. He told me to first love the people who love me most, and then go on to love someone else. He said home is the base. He said I was very lucky and fortunate enough to have a living family, people I lived with. God gave us a family and instead of loving that family, we search for love outside. He told me how everything starts at home.

 And these words weren’t just words; for the next 1 month, both of us tried the ‘home is the base’ thing and it actually worked! I started to help my mother in the kitchen, she felt happy. I started to help my brothers in their homework, they become happy. My father started to talk to my mother lovingly, without fighting, without shouting. Our home became a happier place. All of us wanted love but we were busy seeking love from outside, with not much success. And then we found each other. Living in the same house for the past 17 years, we hadn’t really tried to nurture the relationships God had made for us. And now that we did, we realized we didn’t need anyone else. We started to give love, rather than expecting. And the easiest and safest place to try this out was our home.

Now I hear my friends complain about fights with their siblings or mother or father, and I realize how peaceful my house is. And that is all because of that one conversation that I had had with my father. It was a growing step not just for me, but for him and for the rest of my family too.

My father had also said ‘be strong from within’, something easier said than done. How exactly do I be strong? Cut off myself from everyone? Build this shell around me which no one can penetrate? But won’t that make me the same lonely self that I had been earlier?

My father said that this world is like a market. Every individual here had his own shop. He displays certain items for sale. But there was another catch. A person can put up for display something that he himself possesses. Some people have only anger, they display anger. Some people have only hurt, they display hurt. Some also have smiles and happiness and it is this stall which has the maximum sale. He said it is completely up to us to go around looking at this big fair, and take only that which pleases us.

A few days later, someone shouted at me. My temper rose but then I remembered my father’s words. That guy had anger on display. But I didn’t like the deal, so I didn’t take it. In return, I showed him what I had. I smiled at him. And it felt really good! And then it clicked, that is what ‘being strong’ is about! Being able to say ‘no’ to something you don’t like, because really, how can someone force you to take something you don’t want to? The power to be happy, to not take in hurt, lies within us only. And that makes us strong individuals.

All the conversations that I have with my dad, aren’t just mere ‘words of wisdom from the parents’, they are practical pieces of advice which my father has implemented himself and gotten great results. That’s why we talk about life and love in a very open way. There is always a logical explanation for doing something in a particular way. And in the end, it is not what you have achieved outside that matters, it’s what you possess from within which makes you a winner.

And it’s not just these 2-3 anecdotes which have affected me in a profound way. My father tells me that every day, every minute is a lesson that life gives you. It is an endless journey. Our pet dog greets us with great enthusiasm and jumps and licks, even if we leave her alone at home for the whole day. Shouldn’t we learn that from her? She doesn’t waste her time being angry with us, she’s just too happy to have us back.

“True happiness arises, in the first place, from the enjoyment of one's self, and in the next, from the friendship and conversation of a few select companions.” I can say that in the past one year, I have learnt to enjoy my own company more than anyone else’s and you know what? I’m loving it!