Bitterness- Letting Go.

I think I’ve been splashing around in the water, fearing that I might drown, for a very long time now. I feel like I’ve been waiting for someone to come into the water and pull me to the shore. And if people just sit at the shore and watch, I shout at them, hating them for being safe. What I don’t realise is that for them, the depth isn’t visible. And what I don’t realise is that if I just float, the current will automatically take me to the shore.

I’ve been stupid; very stupid. I’ve let go of emotions which I should not have and I have held close the emotions I should have let go a long time ago. Fear, betrayal, loss, pain, abandonment, loneliness- just words aren’t they-simple to type, very hard to let go. I expected. I waited for them to-what? Pity me? No. To realise I’ve been through a lot? No; I read the paper and I am generally aware that what I went through wasn’t the worst of it all. There are worse situations one can find himself in. Then what had I been waiting for?

I have no answer to that, really.

To suffer after the worst is over, is purely one’s own choice. The human mind is capable of withstanding a lot of hard to understand situations. But the society isn’t. For them, death is scary. It’s a synonym for all those words which I mentioned above. But now, after four months, death is a truth of life. Life goes on, as always. I didn’t die with her, did I? I’m still living. And it is my choice whether I pity myself or I let go of that and smile. Not for them, but for myself. Because it’s true, no one does jump into the water to save you.

Also, now that I choose to float instead of splashing around for help, I realise that the view is brilliant when expectations aren’t fogging my vision. In the end, it’s a one-man show. Everyone stands (or floats) alone. Another important thing I now remember is that I can swim. Why do I even need help then?